She stopped coming to rehearsal…
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
she’s happy, she’s truly happy, happy for you, she wants you to be happy. she’s enjoying life because she’s surrounded by people who are enjoying it just like her. they smile and laugh, make jokes and have fun. going places, taking risks, talking, surprise adventures, what more can she ask for? she’s grateful that there are people who care and want to be friends with her.
so why is there a void? there’s this missing piece that’s getting larger and larger in her heart. but she avoids it, she pushes it away, slides it underneath all her thoughts and sight. but its still there and now she can no longer ignore it. she cries, because she’s afraid. she doesnt know what’s wrong or why she feels like she’s missing something. it makes her wonder if her happiness is just an illusion that she keeps up, where is this facade coming from? where did she learn to hide all these feelings? where did they come from? she doesnt know. she doesnt want to face her fear. she’s alone, and there’s nothing she can do about it.
always always always will she be alone, because she only wants to insure that those around her are happy, and when they are, they’ll push her away. they dont need her anymore, but she still needs them. but she see’s that they’re happy, and that’s her dream, so why does she need to stay? she doesn’t. she’s happy now that they’re happy.
so what happens to her?
she’ll learn to keep moving on, and try to live. and maybe, maybe one day someone will hear her silent plea and love her enough to stay by her side.
I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT MY FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE IS OVER.
im actually kinda sad to go home ahaha i feel like this place is my home now. its weird to think i’ll be living back home with my family…
so this semester…ahaha so much to tell! but im not gonna give a play by play
all i need to remember in the future when i come back and read this is that:
1) roomates cant be best friends ahaha there’s always gonna be some conflict and to be honest, it gets boring always hanging out with the same crowd because not only do you live with them, you eat dinner and lunch and maybe even breakfast with them and its just going to get to be too much. theres really nothing to talk about after a while, especially for someone like me, who is wild and needs lots of space to run around and be crazy and meet people ahaha
2) its good to always be priortized because you could have worked harder starting from the beginning of the year but ya didnt, so work hard…always
3) there’s nothing wrong with being a social butterfly and meeting people…the people who tell you otherwise are just bitter introverts who have no ounce of social skills
4) dont worry about that hot guy you’ve been DYING to meet that everyone else seems to know…sooner or later you guys will officially meet just because you guys have lots of mutual friends that are becoming you’re primary group of friends
5) there’s nothing wrong with drinking…just do it with people you trust will take care of you and of course, drink in moderation ;D
*and only drink the good stuff
6) remember that guy you fell hard for who had a girlfriend? yeaaa his loss :)
7) the food at the gastronome gets tiring as hell…but deal..its free!
8) no more cash? hmm i wonder why…;D its because you wasted it on stupid stuff that you didnt need
9) oh, you wanna dye your hair? DONT, you’ll miss your already beautiful ASIAN hair
10) you don’t have to go to parties to be cool, there are a lot of other ways to having fun…as cliche as it sounds, its true…really
*they usually get boring really quick too…
11) people might not be complimenting your playing cuz its not your time to shine yet, so just keep on at it with your middle fingers to the world and play like you :)
12) have some money set aside for gas money for the cool people that you have fun with who drive you to places
13) go to bed when you have to so you’re not dead tired…trust me you’re not missing out on the conversation thats taking place in the living room…or elsewhere
14) still self conscious? do something about it then :)
15) you have a lot of cute underwear now
16) the financial aid office really really really sucks…so stay on top of all that crap ahaha
17) try to see the best in people but still be realistic and wary…just dont be a paranoid idiot or over the line prejudice brat like other people
18) if they tell you you’re boy crazy, just remember you’re not. they obviously dont understand the difference between liking someone and thinking they are attractive. of course its possible to think someones attractive and not like them *sigh* some people are just…dumb ;)
19) people with absolutely no sense of humor? dont even try to hang out for fun…it just doesnt work that way
20) showers really do wake you up…just saying hehe
so yea, i think this is it in a very tiny nutshell :)
i dont know if i’ll remember all the funny, stupid, idiotic memories, but those that stick will stick, and those that don’t, well maybe there’s a reason they didnt stick :)
so have a great winter break and good luck on semester 2!
you’re a real college student now :3